Xavi is upset (humour)

 

“Normally, I would introduce myself as Xavi — white knight for the overly upset — and I would hum you a song that my mother sang to me when I was slightly smaller, but as a silver medalist at the 2000 Olympics I am sure you already know who I am and today there is no time for such pleasantries. A vile tragedy on par with any unwilling alien abduction has been carried out at the London Olympics while you have apparently turned a blind eye. The team representing Spain have been eliminated without a win, a goal or even 9,000 hours of accumulated ball possession to their credit. This, rude sirs, is not right! It’s not right at all.

Clearly, there were several dastardly plots used in this conspiracy to embarrass the new and most loving home of football. And since no one is more adept at exposing these atrocities than I, Xavi, I have taken the liberty of revealing them, one by one, immediately after this exquisitely controlled sentence ends.

1) Dry pitches: UEFA has tried to destroy Spain and Barcelona before by allowing our opponents to suck the moisture out of the proverbial canvas upon which we delight the world with our endless passing. And now, so have you. By choosing the UK  — a territory famous for its complete lack of rain and pitch-nourishing water — as the host site of the 2012 Olympics, you made it quite obvious that your sole intention was to prevent Spain from winning another football title that is rightfully ours. I also suspect that this is also tied to a beach volleyball money laundering ring, but I’m composing a separate letter about that.”

Continue reading the brilliant parody by Dirty Tackle about Xavi’s view on the Spanish Olympic team.

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