Blame Messi for Chelsea’s Bliss (Humour)

It’s all Leo Messi’s fault. 

The magical one, as prolific a scorer as has ever worn blue cleats, could have ended the problems before they began. But when faced with his God-given duty to save the world from the horror that is Chelsea dominance, he crashed his penalty kick off the bar in the 2012 Champions League semifinal. I hold the shaggy-headed Argentinian genius personally liable for the revolting Blue resurgence that has seen them march all the way to the top of the league table and the soccer universe while my acid reflux keeps matching pace. 

Today, the Blues are European champions. Their odious leader, John Terry, has held the Champions League chalice aloft while convincing the British system of justice that Chelsea’s cup-winning captain should be deemed as pure as the driven Tebow. With more ghastly silverware in his cabinet, jubilant owner Roman Abramovich decided to spend $125 million on new players rather than on another submarine for his yacht (or maybe he also bought the submarine; I’m not sure because it’s been a while since I’ve been invited aboard).

Chelsea rampant. Financial fair play in tatters. All because of The Flea…

Read the rest of David Hirshey’s amusing satire at ESPNFC’s Kicking & Screaming blog.

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