What Rooney’s apology really means (HUMOUR-PG)




Manchester United’s star striker has publicly expressed regret over the transfer request he submitted two years ago, at which time he had questioned the club’s ambition and ability to attract top players and indicated that he wanted a change of scenery. Although it may just be a coincidence that this revelation coincides with the club’s recent acquisition of Robin Van Persie, the Dutchman’s immediate success at the club has suddenly reduced the team’s dependence on Rooney’s goals. The Sabotage Times takes a cynical view on the matter and humorously reads between the lines of Rooney’s apology with its parody.

“I’m not really sorry to be honest, but now that Robin van Persie has arrived and scored four goals while I’m injured and being criticised for resembling a shaved bear with a love of doughnuts, I thought I best say something to try and curry favour. I still believe I was right and that my statement was based on the fact that I, Wayne Rooney, am in the same league as Messi and Ronaldo. I can tell David Gill and the gaffer secretly agreed although they didn’t say anything, and can’t believe that some people think I was only given a new contract to appease the club’s worldwide fan base and continue as a marketing tool for The Glazers. They had no real choice but to bring me back into the team as Chicarito’s form had gone down the swanny and the gaffer hated Berbatov for his love of a crafty fag. In your eye, bacon face, I smoke 20 Regal a day. I couldn’t really give a fiddler’s f*ck what the fans think, I see them as a necessary evil, there only to make sure I get paid well and showered with adulation which makes my little stubby wanger hard. If a club wants to buy me and pay me £300k a week, I’ll be off.”



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One Comment on “What Rooney’s apology really means (HUMOUR-PG)”

  1. haseeb September 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    multiple likes

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